Living in pain is something I've had to deal with most of all my life. For now almost a quarter century I've had to deal with my body turning on itself.
With each passing year it gets harder to do little things.
I've often wondered what I'd be like without pain. I've had people tell me that with dealing with what I go through on a daily basis that it has made me an even better person. But how?
Sometimes it feels I haven't done nothing. Though I know I have. I have the greatest gift God can grant someone and that being child.
What though can I offer besides love and comfort. Sometimes I'll go over a day and a half without seeing her due to staying in the bedroom and sleeping when I can.
Sleep. I get here and there. Some days I'm up all night. It's not uncommon for me to get a couple hours of sleep in only two days. Sleep is one of the most important things to get with this disease. With each waking hour the pain gets worse and worse. It also fatigues you. So this precious thing that God has granted I can't do all the things I would like to.
One of the things I love is cooking. So I cook dinner almost every night. And that is something that has been getting tougher and tougher. Taking so much out of me.
Going to the store seems like a big chore to me. Car rides anymore hurt so bad. Even going just right up the street kills my legs.
Now I could question God. I have in the past. That is no more.
This is MY life. This is MY struggle. I TRUST in him this life I have. This Life he has given me.
The story of Joseph is something powerful. He could have asked the Lord, why me. But he trucked on. Knowing the Lord will do him right if he was good in his heart and trusted fully in the lord.
The story of Joseph for those that do not know.
At the age of 17 his brothers plotted to kill him. Instead of doing killing him, they stripped him of his clothing and sold him to slavery. He was appointed as head helper to Potiphar. He was the main servant and trusted aid of Potiphar's household. Till Potiphar's wife tried to bed Joseph. When Joseph refused she cried wolf and had him sent to prison. In prison he met some of Pharaohs men who was in prison as well. He could interpet their dreams and after they was released Pharaoh had a dream. So his wise men suggested this man Joseph. Joseph knew that there was a famine coming on and told the Pharaoh to prepare for it. So the Pharaoh appointed Joseph as Viceroy of Egypt. Egypt prospered under the care of Joseph.
There is more to the story but that is the gist of it. Joseph never questioned why he just lived to the best of his abilities. He trusted to God. He gave his life over to him FULLY.
That is where I am at now. I was baptized on September 5th. Almost two months ago. Though I still haven't fully intrusted God with everything in my life.
We all have struggles. We all go through life's ups and downs. Some question. Some go through life without ever finding The Lord. What if we all gave our life fully over to The Lord. Oh what a wonderful world that would be.
In small group this week we was suppose to write a prayer of surrender. Maybe this is/was my prayer.
I want to surrender my whole being to you Lord. I am scared like others. Please show me the way. Put it in my heart. Let me know. Let me ears hear you MY LORD. Let us all find comfort in your arms.
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